Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize