I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
