This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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