so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
