Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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