Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
