Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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