Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
