well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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