Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize