walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize