I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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