Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
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