She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Someone signed my nipple.
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