Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
