You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
