kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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