So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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