dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
