Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize