It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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