Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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