My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
