I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
