I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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