If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
