2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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