Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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