Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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