You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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