True but thats because hes a fetus.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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