they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
