I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
