I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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