Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
