I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
