Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
