It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
