dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
