I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
