She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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