Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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