My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
