I can tuck mytits in my pants
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
