In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
