I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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