Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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