what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize