you would pick up someone in the library
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My vagina is officially offended.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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