Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
