Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
