By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
