There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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