My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
