i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just googled if crying burns calories
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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