how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize