with your own penis?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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