i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
