shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
