Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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